Try These 5 Things When Coping With Heartache
Before we get into it, I’m sorry that how you are feeling has brought you here. Just know that it’s okay and I’ve been there too. That’s why this article has been written, so that you know there are some of us that can relate. I just hope that a few of these words I have to offer can be of use to you during this time in your life.
When you talk to people, do they say, “I know exactly how you feel” as they proceed to go on telling you about their past and, completely forgetting the reason why you reached out to them to begin with? Ignore that. Please. Because, no, they don’t know how you feel and nor do I. We all walk in different shoes. We see things and interpret everything differently. Our hearts and our minds are just not the same. Just remember, you are not alone. It may feel like it, but there’s a community of us who had nowhere to turn to as well. I am cheering you on so keep trying every day to get where you need to be.
So, cry when you need to. Get it out. Time is not exactly on your side at the moment, but it does allow you to find yourself. Just keep going. Keep moving. Pick your head up. The world is still spinning, and the sun still rises to give you the light to find your next path.
Let’s get into it.
- Face It, Face It All
This is going to be the hardest one and I heavily debated on leaving it out. But I tried this when I was falling apart, and it was critical to my healing.
You had the songs, the movies, the restaurants, the drives, the hangouts, etc. You shared those things for so long and they meant so much but now it’s just you and it hurts. When that song comes on the radio or it pops up on your playlist — don’t skip it. Play it. We can’t run away from everything because our association has changed. You loved that song and the memories that you have were happy. Yes, it hurts now, but don’t try and outrun all those little things that once put joy in your smile. One song at a time.
Once you hear that song you will feel slightly better the next time you hear it. It’s a slow process and it’s not easy, but you can’t push away the things you enjoy when you need them the most in this time. So, don’t hide away from it. Face it. When you do, each time gets a little easier. You’ll still have the memories, and the nostalgia will sink in, but you’ll heal a little as time moves on. Again, it won’t be easy and it’s going to hurt, but it’s a step.
For me, it was everything but mostly music. I have thousands of songs that remind me of someone. If I didn’t face those songs, I still would not be listening to music to this day. So, and it’s just one small example, when Old Dominion comes on the radio — I let it play. It still hurts, and it’s not the same anymore, but it doesn’t mean it can’t still bring me some joy. “Singing Sweet Caroline”
2. Do It, Don’t Be Afraid
Is there something you’ve wanted to do but just never have? Maybe it’s a road trip, a flight to France, karaoke night, trying the gym, or even learning how to ski. Whatever it is, now is the best time to get after it.
Doing something you’ve always wanted to do is a great step in becoming the new you. Leap out of your comfort zone and try it, even if it’s just once. If you try something and you don’t like it, find your next thing sooner than later. Sitting at home alone surrounded by a haunting past won’t make you a better you. I’m not saying you shouldn’t sit at home because you should from time to time to reset but, trying new things will speed up your healing process and will add a little more meaning to the days. Give yourself things to look forward to.
Two examples for me are hiking and the Highland Games. I spent a lot of time at home streaming movies/shows and playing video games. I was isolating myself and this was my comfort zone all day every day. Finally, one day, I just through my backpack in the truck, drove to the end of the road, opened the map and picked a mountain to climb. It has been the best thing for me, and I am incredibly passionate about it.
The Highland Games are way outside of my comfort zone. I saw there was a competition near me for a Scottish Celebration (festival) and I went for it. It’s not like me to do something like this. I am quiet and highly reserved, but I saw an opportunity that could continue as I transitioned into the brand new me. I even bought a kilt for my second event. Life is strange and that’s what makes it enjoyable.
Find your adventure.
3. Use the Pain
You’re probably thinking, “what the hell does that mean?” I know, it’s odd but hear me out. The pain inside of you is causing you to change. Whether you see it or not, you’re more open than you know and you sort of just go with the flow because maybe there isn’t much fight left to really care about anything. This generates new opportunities. So, roll with the changes and create new experiences and connections.
Being in pain has its positives, and those positives can change the direction of your present and future. Have you wanted to try being more patient or a better listener? This new you can make you more perceptive of others and allows for the opportunity to have real conversations with an array of people. Here, you can find the moments to share your story while relating with the stories of others. It’s give and take, all while having discussions that help you adapt to the changes in your life. Use the pain. Give into it just a little every now and then and see where it goes.
4. Move at Your Speed
Don’t rush the process. That means don’t just jump into another relationship because you think it will heal you. It’s a distraction and because we’re so desperate to be loved again, it’s unhealthy and we’re likely going to get hurt. This also means we could hurt someone else because of our selfishness. Think about other people before trying to fill that void because you haven’t been able to manage the pain. You can’t manage it. You can only adapt to it until you’re ready to find the next real thing. We don’t want people to feel the way we do. If you do, then the pain must not be that bad and you’re not hurting as much as you think you are.
Have fun, but don’t invest in something you don’t intend on growing with. Love should be valued and honored, not forced and temporary. You deserve love and all the great things that are ready to come into your life. Move at the pace that works for you. Don’t force anything.
5. Smile
It is so easy to just go day-to-day feeling empty. Remember to smile when you are around people. They will see you and anything can happen after that. Smiling makes you more approachable. This is obvious and we all know this to be true. However, smiling when you just aren’t up for it helps you forget (temporarily) why you’re sad and you can begin enjoying your surroundings. It’s more of a healthy distraction that can present potential beginnings. Try it, people will start looking at you. Don’t be afraid to say “hi” when you notice them moving closer.
Of course, these are just some tips to try out. Maybe they’ll work for you, maybe they won’t, but it takes time. Keep moving forward and find healthy things to do. The darkness is an easy place to escape to, but we don’t belong there and it’s not where we learn and grow. This time in your life is temporary. Although I despise that word, it’s true. Be yourself and don’t change for anyone unless that change adds to the person you are for the better. Love yourself and smile. You never know what the universe will give you when the stars align.
Remember, move at your own pace. It doesn’t matter how long it takes.
